Dear Sweet Little Boy,
I have never seen your face and I don't even know your name. But I think about you every single day. I pray for you that you will be safe, that your needs will be met, that each meal you eat will fill you until your next. I pray for your family, for protection, safety and for the choices they have to make each day. I pray for your country. I pray that you will be loved and feel love. That you will know that you are wanted and adored. That you will know that you were born for a purpose and that God has an amazing plan for you. A plan for good. (Jeremiah 29:11)
It is amazing that I don't know any detail about you as I write this letter, but I am in love with you. I love every unknown detail about you. As I sit here today waiting for that first glimpse of your sweet little face and to finally know your name and your story. I can see clearly how God has brought me to you.
I have always had a desire to be a Mom, and not just a Mom but a Mommy. I fell in love with your Daddy for so many reasons but one reason was the way that he loved children too. That he had a deep desire to be a Daddy too. When we would go to a family dinner at his Grandma's house, the kids would come running out the door at the first sight of him. They would remain glued to him the entire visit. When we finally became parents to Isabelle, I fell more deeply in love with him watching him every day as a father. When we had Calista we were so excited to be parents again but we knew that she would be our last biological child. We knew that we wanted to have more children so we began to discuss adopting. We both agreed that is where our hearts were, But we weren't ready at the time. Adoption seamed risky for so many reasons. The many unknowns about adoption overwhelmed us. As the years past and we began to meet families that had adopted, God started working on our hearts more and more.
One Sunday in church I listened intently to the stories of missionaries who recently went to India and I begin to feel a tug in my heart for a desire to go on a missions trip. But I resisted. I wanted to sign up for the next trip but I came up with a million excuses in my head, I was too comfortable in life and I never even went to any of the meetings. Going to a third world country was scary to me. But God was slowly moving again just in that morning putting it on my heart to want to know more. A year and a half later my dear friend prepared for a trip to Haiti I prayed daily for her. I even remember telling Daddy I admired her for going but just couldn't do it myself. I didn't want to leave my comfortable life and children and risk the unknown. But as I saw her pictures and heard her stories. My heart began to break for Haiti and so did your Daddy's. I knew then that I would never be the same. God was changing our hearts.
All this time God was working on both mine and your Daddy's heart to adopt and we were ready to face the unknowns and the fears we had, because we knew God is bigger than all of our fears. We prayed about it and talked about it and finally one day it clicked, why not Haiti? With Haiti beginning to weigh on our hearts along with adoption it only seemed right. God's timing is amazing! At no other time in our life would it all have worked out before on our own timing. God spent years molding us into the people we are today. He matched us together as husband and wife with equal desires for a family and for adoption. Enough years to pass to grow our marriage and our faith together. Just the right amount of years married for us to not only be eligible to adopt in Haiti but to have our hearts break for a country, that to be honest we didn't ever think of before the earthquake. Every detail, God had it covered.
When we filled out and submitted the paperwork to become your adoptive parents, we were still filled with the fear of the unknown. But God had a plan for all of that too. He provided a way for me to go to Haiti not long after. I fell in love with Haiti as soon as I stepped off the plane. It was a feeling I wasn't expecting in all my fears. Haiti is a beautiful place filled with beautiful people. I am not blind to the corruption or even the severe conditions, the challenges and the poverty that is wrapped around Haiti so tightly. But God took me out of my comfort zone to see that He is alive in this place and to show me, that we alone can't do much, But we could love and the rest God will work out in His time.
I was made to love you.
As I wait for the day you are safely in my arms. I will love you unconditionally and with all of my heart and I will pray for you every day that you will experience God's love, timing and plan in your own life.
Love, Mommy
